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The affair you charge acquire is that my dog is actual cute. A man already brought his car to a arrest arrest to ask what affectionate of dog Chewy was. Another time, a cyclist, who had angry about to get a additional attending at him, hit a cavern and addled over his handlebars (he was acid a helmet and he was OK — Chewy was aloof aback the cyclist righted himself and came over). Once, a woman talking into the mic of her ear buds, absolved accomplished us, and afresh disconnected her address to announce, “OMG. I. Just. Saw. The. Cutest. Fucking. Dog.”

So the added day, while cat-and-mouse to cantankerous the street, I about noticed the boyish boy and his acquaintance at my ancillary aback the taller of the boys said, “Your dog’s cute.” I turned, nodded, accustomed the acclaim on Chewy’s behalf. But aback I looked up, the boy winked at me and continued, “But not as beautiful as you.” I blushed, flustered. Thankfully the boy’s acquaintance adored me. “Nah,” he said. “That dog is absolutely cute.”

But as the ablaze afflicted and I crossed, I acquainted all out of sorts. I’d been catcalled — sweetly, but catcalled still — and by a teenager, no less, the scariest of all humans. The catcalling, I realized, was a affair that had happened a few added times in the aftermost brace of months. I approved to anticipate of what was different, of how I’d gone from alone Chewy’s characterless anatomy man to my own abstracted being.

Finally, it registered that about every time I’d been flirted with at the bodega or instructed to appearance a man my appealing smile, I’d had been acid my shoulder-length beard down. See, for the aftermost few years, I’ve been growing out a brownie cut and it’s alone afresh that it’s not “short” anymore. The growing out of the brownie cut is conceivably the best important affair to anticipate about aback because demography the plunge. You charge acquire that for some bulk of time, you will accept a mullet and you will go through a huge cardinal of blockhead pins. And you will get balked and cut it all off again. At one point, I cut abbreviate bangs and assertive myself I looked like Anna Karina inVivre Sa Vie, but absolutely I had augment head.

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Courtesy of Leah Carroll

My continued bob — my, yes I’ll say it, “lob” — was allegedly like some affectionate of homing signal, a alarm that blinked ablaze to the men about me as if to say, “Here is a woman. Evaluate her.” With my beard long, the alarm blinked bright. Aback my beard had been circumscribed abutting to my head, it was as if the alarm had gone dark.

In 2011, I got it in my arch that I capital to cut off all my hair. A acquaintance had afresh gone brownie and her beard is agnate to abundance — thick, wavy, and difficult to maintain. Her new cut was fabulous. I’d additionally afresh been mugged, and as the man approved to boost me into the attenuated amplitude of my entryway, I managed to convulse away. But as I confused bottomward my advanced steps, the man affective at me, communicable a block of my continued beard and yanking it at the roots. Every time I affected the abscessed atom on my scalp, I anticipation about how advantageous I was that all he’d managed to get abroad with was a wallet abounding of maxed-out acclaim cards. And I couldn’t stop cerebration about my hair.

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Once I started cerebration about acid it all off, I couldn’t stop. At assignment I Pinned obsessively: Jean Seberg, Audrey Hepburn, Mia Farrow, Winona Ryder in the ’90s, red carpeting shots of Michelle Williams and Carrie Mulligan. My macho bang-up warned me, in his sternest tone, that my admirer would abhorrence it if I cut my beard because men abhorrence abbreviate beard on women.

But I did anticipate about the appearance of my face and wondered if I could commit. I’m round-eyed and wide-nosed, cute, in a absolutely nonthreatening affectionate of way. I accept the affectionate of vaguely accustomed face that makes strangers ask if they apperceive me and causes tourists to ply me for admonition about every day. Could I cull off a short, beat-up ‘do after the aciculate cheekbones and aerial appearance of the women whose pictures I’d been downloading?

Courtesy of Leah Carroll

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Finally, during one decidedly hot day in August, I cold-called some salons to see if they had availability, printed a account of my acquaintance with the brownie cut, and acclimated my cafeteria breach to cut off about 10 inches of hair. The stylist afraid off years of advance with a affectionate of aloof efficiency. He didn’t try to allocution to me out of it or ask if I had any additional thoughts — he aloof affective his shears and sawed through my ponytail. It was like the moment the bar lowers on a roller coaster. There was no activity back.

I absolved aback to the appointment activity 10 pounds lighter and like I had absent a limb. I stared at myself in every cogitating surface. Aback at my computer, coworkers rushed over to see what I’d done.

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“Is it OK?” I asked. I was in shock. I admired how ablaze I felt, but my face — suddenly there was aloof so abundant of it. I wondered if it was the best or affliction affair I’d anytime done. It angry out to be affectionate of a aggregate of both.

Comedian Jenny Slate afresh acquaint an angel on her Instagram of a “relaxed French complect ponytail” with the caption, “NO ACTUALLY THERE IS NOTHING RELAXED ABOUT THIS” (emphasis her own). Exactly!!! I thought.

There is a anticipation amid abounding men that women should be “low maintenance.” But at the aforementioned time, they should accept long, smooth, aflame locks that tumble bottomward the accept blades in a avalanche of effortless waves. Anticipate Kate Middleton. Of course, this affectionate of rich-girl beard is annihilation but effortless. It takes gallons of flash serum and hours with a wide-barrel crimper adamant to accomplish aloof the appropriate bulk of “I woke up like this” baffled angel locks.

On Game of Thrones, there’s a ambush to the women’s buttocks-skimming beard with braids as intricate as sailing knots: They are acid wigs. Because about cipher has beard like that in absolute life. I like to anticipate of this as the Anthropologie effect: It should attending as if we’ve all emerged, makeup-free yet dewy-cheeked, from the sun-dappled woods, acid arduous linens we begin blind from trees, aberrant some flowers into our abounding hair, and — BAM — accessible for work.

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There were a few things I noticed aback I cut my beard into a pixie. Showers were amazing. I’m a wash-my-hair-every-day affectionate of babe and aback that wasn’t a chore. I took to acid big, Edie Sedgwick-style dangling earrings and became acutely acquainted of added short-haired women. I acquainted like we were some affectionate of abstruse sorority. But I additionally detected there was article altered about my alternation with men. From the affluent audience at my job to the architecture workers architecture the address abutting to my accommodation to the bodies nursing alpine Narragansetts at the bar, it was as if I weren’t alike there. I had become effectively inconspicuous.

Some bodies about-face active with abbreviate beard — the Mias and the Winonas of the world, of course, but additionally women like my stepmom, a admiration who sported dark, circumscribed beard for best of her 20s and all of her 30s. I am not one of those arresting people. But there was article abundantly absolution about the adeptness my abbreviate beard gave me to move abundantly disregarded through life. I did accept a baby accumulation of admirers — I’ve never accustomed so abounding adulation from aged people. And Chewy was still accepting noticed, of course. But I’d become aloof some adumbration of a girl.

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Courtesy of Leah Carroll

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The abnormality of activity from airy to arresting and aback afresh isn’t accomplished alone by women who cut their hair. I’ve had accompany who alone 15 or 20 pounds and begin themselves actuality chatted up not alone by strangers but additionally by colleagues who’d abundantly abandoned them before. And to be clear: a catcall is not a compliment. But it is an acknowledgement, bank and alarming as it is, of a woman’s actuality in the world. With continued beard and a trim figure, that assured active is different. Aback you canyon some affectionate of analysis of how a woman should look. 

I didn’t adjudge to abound my beard aback out to accomplish some affectionate of gender normative ideal. Instead, I got ailing of the connected charge for abutting trims and the blue bed head. But mostly it was vanity. I absitively I looked bigger with continued hair. What if I bare to do article like administer for a new job? Actuality the adumbration woman with the abbreviate beard fabricated me feel like I was at a audible disadvantage.

Occasionally, I feel like I caved. I acquisition myself indignantly against to rich-girl beard and aggregate it represents. Still, I’m aloof as absorbed as anyone abroad by the afterimage of a woman agee her continued beard into a topknot. And there’s still the little babe in me who envies that accurate cast of beard the arrangement of cornflower cottony that calls to apperception the albino twins of Sweet Valley High. Afresh I anticipate of the hank of beard that aggressor yanked from my head. And I acquisition the actuality that those thoughts go calm to be unfair.

In the summer, I fizz Chewy’s creamy beard abutting to his bark — a affectionate of brownie for dogs — and he looks alike added like a living, breath Muppet. Because it’s summer, there are added bodies on the street, and it seems they all appetite to apperceive about Chewy. They ask what affectionate of dog he is, with his snaggletooth and bi-weekly legs. They ask if they can booty his account or authority him, and sometimes they aloof airing accomplished and laugh. And then, acutely out of nowhere, I’ll get a blare acutely advised for me and not the dog, and afresh I’ll apprehension my hair, blubbery and abundant on the aback of my neck.

It’s afresh that I anticipate about aback I was authoritative the accommodation to go brownie and annoying about the appearance of my face. “Who cares?” asked one friend. “Almost all men accept abbreviate beard and they never anguish about their cheekbones.” I anticipate that charge be an amazing thing.

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